Big Changes

It’s so crazy how quickly life can change.

I’ve lived in Sonoma County nearly my entire life. But the cost of living here continues to rise exponentially, and as a single mom, I just cannot get ahead (in spite of making a decent salary). I have dreams. Dreams of sending my son to college. Dreams of home ownership and travel. But living in Sonoma County, I barely scrape by, let alone attempt to save for anything. It’s frustrating. But my son and I are about to embark on one of the biggest changes of our lives, and we are both over the moon excited about it…

We are moving to Oregon!

That’s right, we are saying goodbye to California!

In June, as soon as the kid is done with his school year, we will put our belongings in a trailer and drive up to our new home in Oregon!

I started pricing trailers, and then I started looking around my apartment. I need to do some serious purging of stuff before June. There’s no way that I want to move anything that doesn’t need to go. I mean there’s about a $300 difference in cost between the 2 sizes of trailers that I was looking at. So the big question I need to keep asking myself as I think about getting rid of things around here… “If I keep it, is it worth the $300 extra for the bigger trailer?”
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What’s your One Word? GIVEAWAY!

Disclaimer: This post is sponsored by Endorphin Warrior. However, all opinions are my own.

Have you heard of the One Word Movement? You pick one word that will be your theme or focus for the year. Last year, I choose the work REDEFINE as my theme for 2015. I wrote about it here.
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Whole 100 or nah…

It’s day 48 of my 100 day journey. But am I still “Whole 30”?

One of the rules of Whole 30 is to not track your food. No weighing or measuring. Welp… I have been breaking that rule since January 1st and I will tell you why.

I signed up for a 10 week body transformation challenge with Ashley Horner. I am going to be using 2 of her training programs, Becoming Extraordinary and Sweet Cakes. They are rigorous programs that have me training about 1 ½ to 2 hours 5 days a week. Because my body goal is to shed body fat, I need to make sure I’m hitting my macro targets. I can’t know that unless I track what I eat.

So, I’ve broken a Whole 30 rule.

Another rule in Whole 30 is no chewing gum. Well, since January 1st, I’ve chewed a couple pieces of gum.

So, I’ve chewed a non-Whole 30 thing. (Is gum a food? LOL)

And then there’s this…

Because of the calories I burn completing the workouts in my training program, I’ve been having a very difficult time hitting my protein target. I eat meat at every single meal. I am not skimping on the serving sizes either.  But some days I’m falling short of my protein target.  And I literally don’t feel like I can eat any more meat each day.

Here’s the thing about protein… it helps with weight loss and it works to prevent loss of muscle mass.

For about a week I struggled with whether to add in protein shakes only on those days where I was falling short of my protein target. I really over thought it. I asked Whole 30 groups on Facebook. Of course, at the end of the day, I was the one who needed to be comfortable with my decision.

I went back to my WHY. Why I was on this 100 day journey in the first place. It was to finally break free from the sugar dragon. So I went and looked at the ingredients of the protein powder I had in my pantry. It has 2.7g of sugar per scoop. I bought unsweetened Almond Milk. I felt pretty good about my decision. (And yes, I’m aware I could have made my own almond milk… I have no desire to do that. I am also aware that there may or may not be a Whole 30 compliant brand of almond milk at Whole Foods. I guess I just wasn’t that worried about it. It’s unsweetened almond milk. And it’s not like I’m guzzling it down by the half gallon.)

And then… I drank a protein shake…

And nothing bad happened!

I ate all Whole 30 food the next day. And the next day. And then tonight I was about 60g short on my protein goal (my goal is 35% of my calorie intake – which goes up on days I workout) and so I had a protein shake.

So while “officially” I guess I’m no longer Whole 30, but I’m really okay with that. All my meals are still Whole 30 compliant and I have no plans on changing that.

For me, being really clear on my why, and making choices that are in line with my goals has been instrumental in my getting as far as I have. I have my sights set on my goal and will not be distracted, dissuaded or demotivated. I won’t be stopped. Not even by myself. J

Whole 30 – Internal Changes

Today is day 36. I have a feeling this is about when the real and lasting changes within me are going to start happening. And it makes it even more important to me & for me to stay strong on my Whole 100.

I feel locked in on my food choices. I spent yesterday with my best friend’s family, and ended up bringing my own food. I took a little razzing about what I “couldn’t eat” or how they would move the cookies or fudge so I wouldn’t feel “tortured”. It was all good natured, and I am proud to say that I didn’t feel even the slightest bit tempted!

I made deviled eggs using my homemade Whole 30 mayo, some organic Dijon mustard, spices, a dash of coconut aminos & a dash of Frank’s hot sauce. I topped them with some crumbled bacon. They were fantastic & I ate all but 1 of them.

So on the nutrition front I’m locked and loaded. Solid. Making great choices and feeling amazing about them!
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Whole 30 ¼ Point Recap: Feeling GREAT!

I’ve completed 25 days on Whole 30! I’m officially ¼ of the way to my Whole 100! I’m feeling fantastic! In the Whole 30 timeline this phase is called Tiger Blood… I am definitely feeling like I’m noticing improvements. And even though we are in the midst of Christmas cookies, work parties and all kinds of goodies everywhere, my resolve is unwavering! I think that’s a pretty significant NSV!

I know this will not probably be a popular statement, but… IT ISN’T EVEN HARD! This is the easiest choice I’ve ever made! I am very clear on my why.

Following is my ¼ point progress recap:


My goals for the 1st 25 days were: Whole 30 eating, 225,000 steps and getting enough sleep.

Non-scale victories:

My pants fit better! I’ve noticed that my pants don’t hurt my waist line anymore. Initially I felt like that change was never going to happen. But now I realize that perhaps it took my body a bit longer than the last time to physically reap the benefits of following Whole 30.

While I still don’t see any weight loss when I look at myself in the mirror, other people have started to notice.
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Whole 30 – getting my sexy back!

I am now past the halfway point of my Whole 30! (Except I’m extending it to 100 days, so 16% complete today!)

I will be taking my first set of progress measurements and pictures on Day 31. I’ve been locked in on my Whole 30 food choices and last week I worked out 5 times. Hopefully my body will start showing some outward improvements!

I know that Whole 30 isn’t about losing weight, it’s about getting healthy on the inside. I do get that. However, I’m really hoping to get healthy inside and out. It feels like my body is taking longer to show physical improvement than it did in June. I remember feeling better in my clothes by the halfway mark back in my June Whole 30. But I did dig myself quite the hole over the last nearly 5 months, by gaining 20 pounds since July 1st. I know it’s going to take longer to dig out of that hole.

I read a great analogy about why a lot of people extend their Whole 30’s past the 30 day mark and it completely applies to me. I can’t find the link, (so I’m not taking credit for it) but it went something like this: people dig themselves a hole with unhealthy eating. When they go on Whole 30 they start filling that hole up. They keep repeating this cycle, only the hole gets deeper each time they go back to unhealthy eating.
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Whole 30 – Why do I still feel gross?!

I’ve made it through 12 days of Whole 30!

Yesterday I had a total emotional meltdown. I felt gross. My pants were still hurting my tummy. I was ridiculously sore from my new workout program. I’m not sleeping well. I sat at my desk and sobbed. (Thankfully my desk is away from the rest of my co-workers.)

I’m not worried about whether I’m losing weight. I’m not worried about whether Whole 30 is going help me lose body fat. I know it will and I trust the process. However… I didn’t expect to still be feeling so yucky 11 days in. (Yes, I’ve read the timeline. Days 8-9 are “for the love of Gosling, my pants are TIGHTER, and days 10-11 are “the hardest days”.)

The funny thing is that I feel locked in with the food. I’m not craving anything and I’m not feeling deprived. I actually ate a salad the other day! (For those who don’t know, I’m not a fan of salads.) Actually, this salad was quite delicious. Nothing extraordinary about the salad itself, just a run of the mill garden salad, but I put some delicious taco meat (that I made, it was extra from the stuffed zucchinis I made earlier this week) on it and it was REALLY delicious! Read more

Whole 30 – Recreating ME!

I’ve gotten asked “why now” countless times in these last 8 days.

I’m hoping this will shed some light on my why. And my why NOW.

A few weeks ago my friend Kirsten nominated me for that beauty post that is going around where you pick 5 pictures where you felt beautiful.  I ignored it for weeks.  I just didn’t feel beautiful and it was difficult to find enough confidence within myself to participate.  But 8 days in to my Whole 30, I’m starting to feel a little better.  A little more like Beki.

Here’s the thing… I’ve allowed my romantic relationships over the last 12 years to dismantle my self-worth. I’ve been cheated on, verbally abused, used and generally treated horribly.  I allowed this to happen over and over again, because I didn’t feel like I was worthy of more.  I loved them more, tolerated more, tried everything to make them happy.  I was less me, and more what I thought they wanted (because if they wanted me, they wouldn’t be treating me the way they were, so in an effort to get them to be nicer to me, I tried to be someone they would be nice to).  I tried not to complain.  I tried to be perfect.  I went above and beyond because I thought that they would see how great a girlfriend I was and that I was worthy of love.  Instead of realizing that their treatment of me was a flaw inside of them and not me,  I turned it into making it mean that I was not worthy of love. I wasn’t enough, otherwise they wouldn’t have done those things to me.  That if I was enough, or worthy of love, then they would love me.

I’m ready to stop thinking like that.  I’m ready to stop giving the past so much power over my life.

Because I am worthy.
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Whole 30 – Kill some of the things

As I write this, I’m starting my day 6, which means I made it through Thanksgiving with my Whole 30 intact! (To be fair, I knew I would though, since I spent the day mostly alone. Don’t feel sad about that, it was my choice. :))

My sugar detox headache finally went away in the evening of day 4. Day 2 was by far the worst, a lot less on day 3 and then just a dull ache by day 4. I’m starting to feel better, except I’m tired. Which wouldn’t be so incredibly annoying if I could actually sleep!

There’s this great timeline of what to expect during your Whole 30.

So far, I’m right on track. 😉
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Whole 30 – Praying for death?

I’m now just about through my 3rd day on Whole 30 and I will tell you that last night, I was praying for death. Why you ask? One word.


Holy crap that was awful.

My headache started around 5:30pm on day 1. But I had no idea what I was in for.

Day 2… It started out as planned. By lunch time, my headache was so bad, that I was starting to get nauseous. I tried to eat my chicken zoodle soup, but I could only eat about half of it. I tried to eat a tangelo. I drank water.

It kept getting worse.

About 2pm, I could no longer even function at work. When I got home, I layed on the couch with all the lights out and an ice pack on my head. I felt like I was going to throw up every time I moved. My head felt like it was going to explode. I couldn’t get comfortable to save my life. I couldn’t eat anything. All I could do is sip water. I felt like praying for death.
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